Living With the Twins: The Guideline
by Chistarpax
Summary: You think living on a base with Cybertronians would be easy... but then you have to throw in that the twins are your guardians. Hello the need for a guideline. Join me as I create the guideline to living with the twins... and hopefully I'll live long enough to finish it. Rated for possible language in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

This is an attempt to get rid of writers block. I hope its good, and I hope nobody has done this so far.

This guideline is written in from my character's point of view. Chi Star Pax to be exact, and is set in G1. Feel free to give me ideas!

~.~ ~.~

**Rule 1: Never… ever, replace Sunstreaker's paint with paint remover.**

(He tends to get very, very mad…)

(And then tries to 'accidentally' step on you.)

(Not good for your health.)

~.~

**Rule 2: Whenever Sideswipe states "I'm bored." Don't ask him what he wants to do.**

(Let's just say that Ironhide did not appreciate the redecoration of his room…)

(Though the pink bows were a good touch.)

(He incinerated them with his cannons….)

(R.I.P. Pink bows. T.T)

~.~

**Rule 3: Sideswipe is never allowed to watch 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' again.**

(He thought it was quote worthy…)

(Apparently Red Alert tends to get very annoyed by the word 'NI'…)

(Sideswipe was one of the knights who said 'NI')

(Red Alert glitched and attacked Sideswipe…)

(Sideswipe was in the med-bay for a week.)

(He also crafted The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch… and threw it at the 'cons)

(It was a very pretty explosion.)

~.~

**Rule 4: Never, under any circumstances, do you take Sunstreaker's wax and spread it on the floor leading from Wheeljack's lab to the Med-bay.**

(I thought it would be a good idea.)

(You know, so that Wheeljack could get to the Med-bay easier when he blows himself up..)

(Too bad Ratchet was the first to try it out…)

(And then Wheeljack came to see what the big BANG was outside of his lab…)

(And then Prowl needed to talk to Wheeljack about something…)

(The best part was when Optimus came to 'help' the others and landed on his skidplate… on top of Prowl XD)

(Sunstreaker found out and tried to 'accidentally' step on me again…)

(He fell on Ratchet…)

(It was a good day to have a video camera ;) )

~.~

**Rule 5: Don't ever step in between the twins when they are ready to kill each other over something stupid.**

(Did that, by accident…)

(It was a good thing Jazz was standing there.)

(He pulled me out of the way quickly… before I could get stepped on.)

(But managed to get his arm stepped on in the process…)

(Turns out they were fighting over who got to hang out with me the most that day…)

(I feel loved.)

~.~

**Rule 6: When the twins state "We have a surprise for you" run away in the opposite direction.**

(I should have done that…)

(They were teaching me 'Jet Judo')

(And then the jets actually showed up…)

(Ratchet actually turned the twins into toasters.)

(It was a great day for the camera again…)

~.~

**Rule 7: Don't stand anywhere near the twins when Ratchet has his 'Wrench of Doom' out.**

(I was just walking through the rec-room…)

(And the twins ran in.)

(I didn't think it through and walked over to them to say 'hi')

(Well… Ratchet came in and started throwing the wrench.)

(The twins, to their credit, stood still so that I wouldn't get hit.)

(Ratchet apologized to me, but called them—and I quote—"You two are the biggest fraggin glitches I have ever dealt with… slagging dolts!")

(I LOLED)

~.~

**Rule 8: Prowl does not appreciate being locked out of his office by the twins… and will force you to share the punishment –especially if you gave him false info about where they were.**

(He got mad at me when I wouldn't tell him where they were…)

(Let's just say that I ended up in the brig beside them when he found them.)

(But he didn't find them before they changed the schedule for the week.)

(They were in his office…)

(I told him that they were out on patrol while they were changing it…)

(And then—after the he came back—he found out that I had told him false…)

(But by that time they were out of the office with the schedule changed.)

(Prowl still hasn't noticed…)

(Hope he doesn't read this…)

~.~

**Rule 9: Don't ever bother Sunstreaker while he is painting.**

(He will throw a paint can at you…)

(And then get mad when you tell him that he missed…)

(He then proceeded to dump a can of paint on me.)

(I was lime green for three days.)

(Stupid sunflower.)

~.~

**Rule 10: By that same token… don't ever, under any circumstances, critique Sunstreaker's paintings.**

(I did that…)

(*Shudder*)

(He then proceeded to 'critique' my entire life.)

(I cried…)

(A lot…)

( T.T )

(On second thought, don't do anything about Sunstreaker's paintings… unless he asks you what you think about it.)

(And then only say that it looks good…)

(You might live to see another day.)

~.~ ~.~

Once again, I hope it was slightly interesting. And I hope to hear your ideas for guidelines!

Review please!

-Chistarpax


	2. Chapter 2

Here I am, back again with more rules for the guideline. Enjoy! ^^

~.~ ~.~

**Rule 11: Sideswipe is to never be introduced to anything that includes the title 'The Abridged Series'.**

(He became addicted to 'Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series')

(Then he went onto the battle field dressed as Malik 'Blishtar', including the millennium rod…)

(And then got 'angry' and morphed into Melvin… and asked for a hug…)

(As far as I know there are still several 'cons that are now afraid of hugs.)

(And then he somehow convinced Sunstreaker to be Florence XD…)

(That went well until Sunny found out that Florence is gay…)

(I didn't know Sunstreaker was homophobic.)

(Sideswipe found himself in the med-bay for a week being repaired by a rather irate medic…)

(Sunstreaker is still mad about it…)

(I call him fluffy in remembrance of the short time he was Florence. XD)

~.~

**Rule 12: Don't suggest that Sunstreaker just needs to recognize his 'inner femme'.**

(I decided to tell him to do just that.)

(You know, because he's that obsessed with his paint job… no offense to the other femmes.)

(Well… he took it as me saying that he needed to admit that he was gay…)

(Soooo not what I meant… I know he's perfectly straight…)

(Ish.)

(Anyway, he took it as me saying that he needed to 'come out of the closet' and proceeded to go into his Homophobic state and get pissed.)

(I stated that he had some real PMS problems…)

(He took it as another gay jab…)

(Once again, not what I meant.)

(It took Jazz two hours to explain that I was just being a smart ass...)

(Sunstreaker is a pain in the ass…)

~.~

**Rule 13: Do NOT under any circumstances get into the middle of a battle.**

(I did… because I got lost on my way to the hiding spot and managed to end up in the middle of a friggin battle!)

(It was kinda cool… until Starscream spotted me.)

(And then Megatron went to pick me up…)

(Only for Sunstreaker to football tackle him to avoid the 'picking up of the fleshy' game.)

(And then Starscream thought he would grab me…)

(Sideswipe took him out.)

(Guess what… I was on the wrong side of the field anyway. Meaning that the 'cons were in the area that I was in…)

(Yeah… not my best moment.)

(The twins then went all creepy—but totally cool—and began protecting me.)

(Sunstreaker is scary when he's berserker… and Sideswipe went all calm and logic-like…)

(Turns out they went into their gladiator modes… scary and cool all at the same time.)

(Until other 'bots tried to get near us…)

(It took Optimus, Ironhide, and Grimlock to restrain Sunny… and it took the combined efforts of Prowl—using 100% of his logic center—, Jazz—using all of his special ops training—and Mirage—using his cloaking technology— to outwit Sides and then restrain him like Sunny…)

(And they struggled to do that.)

(The twins didn't stop struggling until I found my voice—it had frozen up when Starscream had tried to grab me—and told them that I was okay.)

(Then they were all worried that they had scared me by their sudden changes in personality… and weren't even worried about their injuries.)

(I have the coolest guardians ever.)

~.~

**Rule 14: Sideswipe is not a 'Red hooligan of doom', and Sunstreaker is not 'The Sunflower of death".**

(Sideswipe didn't mind his title until he realized that I had come up with it while I was pissed off at him.)

(And Sunstreaker didn't like his from the very beginning… something about "Don't call me Sunflower.")

(I had to come up with new titles for them.)

(Sideswipe is now the 'Red hot bot' and Sunny is 'My Sunny death'…)

(Yeah… Sideswipe loves his and Sunstreaker will tolerate his as long as nobody else says it.)

(Sunstreaker then informed me that, out of all the beings he has ever known, he has only let two of them call him 'Sunny'…)

(And I was one of them! XD)

(I feel loved again.)

~.~

**Rule 15: Don't ever walk away from Sunstreaker in his alt-mode long enough for teenage boys to flock around it.**

(I wanted to go to the mall…)

(And Sideswipe was in the brig for his latest prank on Prowl.)

(Sunstreaker was the only one that I would let take me besides Sideswipe…)

(Ergo, Sunstreaker took me to the mall after much coaxing and then a promise that I would wash and wax him myself.)

(Once again, he is a pain in the ass.)

(Anyway, so he took me and I was in the mall for a total of 20 minutes. 20!)

(These teenage boys were all around him when I got back and he was ready to kill them.)

(I then had to play the stuck up rich brat—totally not my normal personality—and threaten to have my 'daddy' sue each and every one of them that had gotten within breathing distance.)

(They cleared out pretty quick.)

(And then Sunstreaker wouldn't quit complaining all the way back to base.)

(I now owe him three wash and wax sessions.)

(Sunstreaker is a pain in the ass.)

~.~

**Rule 16: Don't ever try to keep a secret from Sideswipe… especially about your sleeping habits.**

(I didn't want to tell him that I was having nightmares…)

(He kept asking me why I was seemingly more and more tired.)

(I told him that it was none of his business…)

(He asked Ratchet.)

(The very next night I had another nightmare… woke up screaming…)

(Sideswipe was just outside of my door.)

(He activated his hologram and came inside my room, fully intending to chew my ass out.)

(His intentions faded the moment he saw me crying… and then he spent the rest of the night comforting me.)

(Sunstreaker came in only ten minutes after Sideswipe did… apparently I'm more important to them than a good recharge.)

(I don't have nightmares anymore… they gave me a communicator that I can reach them on immediately if I do.)

(Turns out the nightmares were just me feeling like I was alone…)

(I love those two.)

~.~

**Rule 17: Sunstreaker does not appreciate being called in the middle of the night to come and get you during a party.**

(Went to the first—and last, I refuse to go to any other god damn parties—party that I had ever gone to.)

(Sideswipe went back to the base after dropping me off, and then was put into the brig for a prank that Prowl did not appreciate being pulled on him.)

(In the middle of the party some of the more… adventurous kids pulled out drugs and alcohol.)

(I was not going to be a part of that, so I called Sideswipe so that he could come and get me…)

(But he was in the brig.)

(So I called Sunstreaker… he wasn't amused.)

(But he came and got me when he heard a guy start hitting on me in the background.)

(And then the comment that I was 'the best piece of tail' that he had ever seen.)

(Sunstreaker came in record time and acted like my boyfriend with his hologram.)

(And beat the shit out of the guy when he told Sunny to 'get his own broad.')

(Sunny ended up in the brig for the next week, and my adopted non-organic father grounded me.)

(But that guy now avoids me as if I was diseased...)

(I heard that Sunstreaker told Sideswipe what happened, then Sideswipe told Jazz… and so on and so forth.)

(The guy got a visit from several of the Autobot officers…)

(Including Optimus, my adopted non-organic father…)

(… best adopted family EVER.)

~.~

**Rule 18: Don't ever say anything to the twins about a guy that asked you on a date.**

(They get just a little overprotective.)

(Meaning that they get WAY overprotective…)

(And then they meet the guy—without your knowledge—in order to tell if he is your kind of guy.)

(Sideswipe scared the shit out of him.)

(Sunstreaker scared him even more than that.)

(Now the guy won't even look me in the eye.)

(Damn overprotective guardians.)

~.~

**Rule 19: Don't ask Sideswipe to go to the fair with you.**

(It wasn't **supposed** to be a date.)

(But then every other friggin bot on the friggin base thought it was.)

(And they wouldn't listen to my explanation that I just didn't want to deal with all the idiots that go to the fair just to hit on girls that were alone.)

(So, the day we go to the fair, Sideswipe and I were sent off with the words 'Enjoy your date!')

(I wanted to kill Bluestreak.)

(Sideswipe thought it was funny.)

(I wanted to die.)

(But, to my surprise, Sideswipe actually treated it like we were on a date.)

(Heh, kept the idiots off my back.)

(And I still have the huge stuffed tiger that Sideswipe won for me… its name is Liger!)

(I know… that's not really a good name… but it's a tan tiger with black stripes.)

(He's my new best friend.)

(Sideswipe's my **other** best friend.)

(With Sunstreaker being the **other, other** best friend.)

~.~

**Rule 20: When hanging out with the twins, don't fall asleep in their room.**

(They just let me sleep all night.)

(And, when I left the next morning, the others on base thought that something had happened.)

(I was just friggin sleeping guys!)

(So they were subjected to 'the talk' from Optimus…)

(And I was forced to sit through a lecture from Ratchet on 'proper behavior'.)

(I was super embarrassed… and confused.)

(What could have happened between two Cybertronians and a human?)

(Nothing that they were thinking of!)

(Sometimes I really hate my adopted family.)

(The twins were just as confused and embarrassed as I was.)

(We compared notes after it was done.)

(Yep… the others jumped to conclusions.)

(Damn… The three of us are only friends!)

(Prowl, surprisingly, was the only other bot on base that was slightly confused about the entire thing.)

(He knew that it was impossible for us to do anything… and that we were just friends.)

(First time I was ever happy that Prowl talked to the three of us.)

(Thank you logic!)

~.~ ~.~

This is also what I will now call the plot bunny farm. If you guys want to use any of these rules to create a one-shot or any other type of fanfic, feel free! Just send me a link so that I can read it! XD

Hope you guys enjoyed it, and I still want to hear any ideas that you might have!

Till all are one,

-Chistarpax


	3. Chapter 3

~.~ ~.~

**Rule 21: Don't ever say that you are bored when you are with the twins in the rec-room.**

(They will then proceed to tell you all about some of the battles back on Cybertron…)

(Including the gladiatorial pits…)

(Which I though was pretty cool…)

(At least until they got into what happens after the battles…)

(Can I have some antibacterial soap please… to wash my mind out with?)

*Shudders*

(Never again.)

~.~

**Rule 22: When talking to Sunstreaker, don't randomly mention that he has a speck of dirt on his armor.**

(Did that, just to see what he would do, and then changed the subject just as fast.)

(He stood there dumbly for several seconds while I continued on about… well, I can't remember what I was talking about now.)

(Anyway, he then regained enough thought processes to ask where the dirt was…)

(I stopped talking and stared at him for several seconds in false bewilderment.)

(Then asked what he was talking about.)

(Sunstreaker said that I stated he had dirt on his armor.)

(I replied that I said no such a thing…)

(And so on and so forth.)

(Which began the most epic battle of "Yes you did; No I didn't".)

(Sideswipe laughed… really hard.)

(Every other bot in the rec-room stared at us.)

(Ratchet was actually amused… he smiled.)

(Creepy.)

(But Ironhide's reaction was the funniest.)

(He fell out of a chair with laughter…)

(I love uncle 'hide.)

~.~

**Rule 23: Don't EVER call Sunstreaker "The Dandelion of Doom." (By:** **szynka2496)**

(He will sulk and glare at you…)

(And, of course, I laughed at his reaction.)

(Not my best moment.)

(Ended up bright orange because the paint can he threw at me opened while sailing through the air.)

(I was pissed… and bright orange.)

(Hard to be scary when you are neon orange.)

(Stupid pain in the ass Daffodil.)

(… XD )

~.~

**Rule 24: Never apply make-up while riding in Sunstreaker or Sideswipe. (By: szynka2496)**

(Sideswipe will refuse to talk to you for a week… for **one** speck of eye shadow.)

(Shouldn't have taken that curve that fast after I warned you jerk!)

(Sunstreaker will want to kill you… especially if you drop your mascara on the leather seats…)

(Once again… don't take the fraggin curves so quick!)

(And I asked him before I even started putting on the make-up…)

(He said it was fine, and then did that while I was applying the friggin mascara.)

(Pain in the ass Sunflower.)

~.~

**Rule 25: Never let Sideswipe convince you to put mustaches on Sunstreaker's paintings. (Even removable ones that won't damage the work of art.) (By: szynka2496)**

(Let's just say he tends to actually try and shoot you…)

(Good thing I know how to dodge…)

(And that I run quickly… he stopped trying to shoot me after I took the things off…)

(But then he didn't talk to me for a month.)

(…. Stupid mech.)

~.~

**Rule 26: Don't let the twins plan your 23****rd**** birthday party.**

(I did that…)

(Big mistake…)

(It was a surprise party… that was crashed by the 'cons.)

(I guess that's what you get when you have the party outside… in the open… when the security director is out cold after another melt-down.)

(Oh… and the twins thought it would be cool to send them invites.)

(Yeah… real cool guys.)

(It was a very exciting party to say the least.)

~.~

**Rule 27: When you have a date… don't mention the fact that you don't have a ride near the twins.**

(They won't just offer to give you and your date a ride… they will INSIST)

(And then you won't be able to tell them no…)

(Unless you can stand up to a Sideswipe pout… that **both** of them are giving you.)

(Yea… no. I couldn't stand up to it.)

(Sunstreaker followed us at a distance while Sideswipe actually drove us.)

(And, of course, the guy got the third degree from the red twin…)

(Now he won't even stay in the same room as me when I enter it.)

(In fact… he moved to another state.)

(Why the hell are the twins so damn intent on keeping me from getting a decent date?!)

~.~

**Rule 28: Don't ever try and get Sideswipe to tell you what's bothering him when he obviously doesn't want to tell.**

(I did…)

(He ignored me at first…)

(And then I wouldn't leave the subject alone.)

(He then told me exactly where I could shove my question.)

(And we got into an argument…)

(The others watched from a distance of sorts…)

(And then Sunstreaker took Sideswipe's side…)

(Like a good same-spark twin.)

(I was left to fend for myself though.)

(Sideswipe was pouting and I wanted to know why!)

(So I couldn't just drop it, and then both of them proceeded to inform me that 'If I hadn't figured it out by then I didn't need to know'…)

(And stormed off.)

(I still don't understand what was wrong…)

~.~

**Rule 29: Don't ever let the two of them see you just after a break-up with a guy that you had actually fallen in love with.**

(I didn't mean too…)

(But they followed me to town that day and saw the way the guy dumped me.)

(Sideswipe comforted me while Sunstreaker followed him back to his house.)

(The guy ended up not only moving to a different state, but had so many traffic tickets follow him it was kinda scary.)

(Still don't know why they did that…)

(The guy only dumped me.)

(And I cried for two days… but that's normal for a girl who just went through a break-up.)

(Hmm… Maybe I should ask Ratchet why they are so protective…)

(I mean… Bumblebee isn't this protective over Spike…)

(Yeah… I'll ask Ratchet…)

~.~

**Rule 30: When it says 'don't touch'… DON'T TOUCH!**

(I needed to go to the mall again…)

(And Sideswipe was in the brig… again.)

(So Sunstreaker took me…. Again.)

(This time, though… I was in the mall for a little under an hour.)

(By the time I came back I had been groped five times…)

(Stupid boys.)

(Anyway, I told Sunstreaker about it all the way back to base—he, surprisingly , wasn't flocked by boys this time—and he **listened** to my complaints quietly.)

(The next time I went to the mall, Sideswipe took me.)

(Halfway through the mall I was groped again.)

(Suddenly Sunstreaker and Sideswipe's holograms came through the crowd and informed the guy that had groped me that it I was a 'don't touch' girl.)

(When the guy asked where it said that, Sideswipe reached over, grabbed the chain of my necklace at the back of my neck, and lifted it to where the guy could see it.)

(Of course it had my pendant with the Autobot symbol on it… and then a pendant that I hadn't realized was there…)

(It said 'Property of Twins. Don't touch.')

(Between my sputtering, the immediate apologies of the guy, and the twin's remarks at the guy… I think we had the entire mall beat when it came to the noise level.)

(… When, and for that matter—Why, did they put that pendant on my necklace?)

(Another thing to ask Ratchet I guess…)

(And when did Sunstreaker get to the mall?)

~.~ ~.~

Okay… to clear a few things up. This is G1 and my character is 23. Thought that would be a good thing to make clear. And, yes, I am using the twin's G1 look. Chi is also a human… though there are some hints of a relationship developing between her and the twins. (Same-spark twins mean that they fall for the same being.) They were made her guardians when they saved her from the 'cons. The same attack that killed her parents and made her an orphan at 8 years old…

Great, now I'm going to have to write a fan-fic about this…

Till all are one,

Chistarpax


	4. Chapter 4

~.~

**Rule 31: Don't ever let the Twins pick out your clothes for a date...ever! (By: LamboTwinsGirl)**

(Primus help me and my small brain…)

(I did that… and regretted it for the rest of the friggin date.)

(Somehow—not sure how—they got me into a girlie outfit.)

(A low cut top that showed my cleavage and a *shudder* mini skirt.)

(For once I was glad that Ironhide had insisted on me staying fit.)

(… I'll never admit it to them, but the outfit did look really good.)

(My date thought so too… and then couldn't keep his eyes off of my chest.)

(Needless to say, the date didn't even last that long.)

(I don't associate with jerks who only want to bed you.)

(… Sunny and Sides came to pick me up when I called them, and we ended up just walking around town—them with their holograms.)

(You know… I kind of like spending time with them more than I like dating other guys anyway…)

(Oh. My. Gawd….)

~.~

**Rule 32: Don't help Sideswipe prank his Twin. So scary...*shudder*(By: LamboTwinsGirl)**

(Never, in a million years, will I ever help Sideswipe prank Sunstreaker again.)

(I rather enjoy **living**.)

(Stupidest thing to do… ever.)

(I can't even tell you what happened it was so stupid.)

(And scary.)

*Shudders in fear*

~.~

**Rule 33: Don't let the Twins near your transformer action figures.** **(By: LamboTwinsGirl)**

(They got frustrated trying to transform mine and it broke *sob*)

(I had gotten the toys from a company that thought it was cool to make action figures of the Autobots.)

(I had, at one time: Optimus, Ratchet (hehe), Red Alert, and Ironhide.)

(The twins will never find out about me getting the toy versions of them…)

(I still have them, hidden in a very secret spot that the twins don't know about.)

(Anyway, they tried to transform the Red Alert doll…)

(And ended up breaking its head off by accident.)

(Poor Red Alert when he saw that.)

(… XD )

~.~

**Rule 34: When walking around base, try not to make it obvious that you are looking for the twins.**

(I didn't mean to make it obvious…)

(But I guess glancing in every door you walk by that's open makes it obvious that you're looking for someone…)

(And then sighing and saying 'Where **are** they' makes it even more obvious.)

(Ratchet is the one that found me, and asked to talk to me.)

(Fully confused, I followed him into the med-bay… where Ratchet asked why I was looking for the twins.)

(I shrugged and said that I just wanted to talk to them.)

(Ratchet didn't believe me and asked if it had anything to do with certain feelings for them.)

(I sputtered and couldn't come up with a good response.)

(Stupid medic… he can tell that kind of stuff apparently.)

(So Ratchet told me that they were in the firing range just 'wasting time')

(I thanked him and left… amid a bemused smile from him.)

(Stupid Medic.)

(I made it to the firing range and overheard their conversation…)

(They don't just like me… as they put it 'We love her.')

(Sunstreaker said it…)

(Sideswipe agreed with it…)

(I ran away from the firing range and found Ratchet again.)

(I needed a medic's advice on the sudden pounding of my heart…)

~.~

**Rule 35: Hiding anything, especially feelings, is impossible to do around the twins.**

(I was hanging out with them like normal…)

(Only my heart was betraying my 'normal' vibe.)

(Ever since overhearing them in the firing range… it keeps pounding when I see them.)

(Stupid tell-tale signs of certain types of feelings.)

(Anyway, Sideswipe noticed this… ran a scan of his own to make sure I wasn't about to die… and then proceeded to ask if I was okay.)

(I replied fine.)

(Sunstreaker, after getting an explanation from Sideswipe via twin bond, asked the same question.)

(Once again, I replied that I was fine.)

(They kept badgering me until it just… slipped out.)

(I yelled "It's only the fact that I love you!")

(Then froze in slight horror of my admission, and high-tailed it out of the rec-room)

(Yeah… the REC-ROOM)

(Everbot in the base knew about my admission before I had even made it to Optimus' office.)

(I needed dad advice…)

~.~

**Rule 36: Avoiding the Twins is as difficult as keeping Red Alert calm during a Decepticon attack… so don't even try it.**

(Not even hiding in the med-bay will keep them from trying to talk to you.)

(About the only place I could find peace was in Optimus' office.)

(And then I knew I was in his way… so I went and found Jazz…)

(Who told me that it was probably better if I didn't run away from the problem at hand.)

(I had a nice long conversation with Jazz…)

(Funny how much I miss when I'm not paying attention.)

(The twins, as Jazz told me, had been trying to hide their feelings for me—for several **years**— because they thought I would be horrified.)

(And my reaction to my own admission only seemed to prove to them that that fact was true.)

(And then Jazz—the fragger—called the twins and let them know where I was… and then distracted me so that I couldn't run away again.)

(They had gotten Jazz on their side the moment I ran off…)

(FML)

~.~

**Rule 37: Don't ever underestimate how entirely sweet the twins can be.**

(So… after getting cornered by them because of Jazz—he's so going to get pranked—the twins admitted to me exactly what Jazz had told me…)

(I feel loved… and slightly confused.)

(How did I miss this for so long…)

(No wonder they sabotaged ninety percent of my dates!)

(Anyway, then they told me that they would back off if I was uncomfortable with it… they would even request to no longer be my guardians if I wanted them too…)

(HELL NO! That wasn't going to happen in a million lifetimes.)

(So… with Jazz as the 'witness' we hashed out how the relationship was going to work…)

(Now they are my 'Significant others' and I have never been so freaking spoiled in my life!)

(I swear it's almost as if they believe that I should never go without knowing how much they really do love me ever again.)

(Sunstreaker somehow leaves one rose on my pillow every night…)

(And Sideswipe leaves these really cute poems… I didn't realize that he was a poet of any sort.)

(… I feel loved.)

~.~

**Rule 38: When going on a date with the twins… don't suggest going to a museum.**

(Sunstreaker loved it, he had actually wanted to see some of the 'human art' for a while)

(We went… and Sideswipe started getting bored.)

(And then proceeded to ask why the art looked so… boring.)

(Sunstreaker tried to explain it to him…)

(I stood back and waited patiently for the conversation to end.)

(Yeah… right.)

(Two hours later, the discussion had turned into a slight argument… voices had raised and we were kicked out of the museum for 'upsetting the other customers')

(I was embarrassed…)

(Sunstreaker was fuming.)

(And Sideswipe was still confused as to what was so interesting about 'human art'.)

(At least it didn't end up in a fist fight.)

~.~

**Rule 39: Don't let anybot know that the Twins have taught you how to fight and shoot a blaster.**

(The yelling will start from Ratchet…)

(Ironhide will demand that you let him see how well you shoot… and then be impressed when you don't miss a target…)

(Wheeljack will realize exactly _why_ the twins had asked for a working human-sized blaster…)

(Red Alert will fritz and fall offline at the statement…)

(Optimus will become slightly more overprotective…)

(Prowl will quarantine your blaster so that he can be sure it's not radioactive…)

(Jazz will be the only one that is highly impressed and congratulate you on 'finally learning how to keep yourself alive on a battlefield.')

(And the others on base will finally realize that you are in a relationship with said twins and throw an 'it's about time' party…)

(The party was fun. XD )

~.~

**Rule 40: Don't step into the twin's room when they aren't there…**

(Well… I did… because I thought they were in there.)

(Turns out they are more paranoid than Red Alert…)

(For ten minutes I got to hang by my ankle just inside their door.)

(Sunstreaker was the first to the room…)

(He stared at me for several seconds, then commed his brother to 'come see what just got caught in the trap')

(Sideswipe got there and promptly fell into a fit of laughter.)

(I was not amused.)

(Sunstreaker got me down with an apology…)

(Sideswipe activated his hologram and pulled me into a hug…)

(And then kissed me as an apology.)

(I was dazed for a few seconds afterwards… and Sunstreaker did the same thing.)

(Ratchet said that I looked like a 'brainwashed fool' when I entered the med-bay a few minutes later.)

(They kissed me!)

~.~ ~.~

I'm still open to suggestions guys! Can't wait to hear them!

Till all are one,

-Chistarpax


	5. Chapter 5

**Rule 41: Don't ever assume that the twins are up to no good when they are sneaking around.**

(I did… and decided to 'spy' on them.)

(Of course, it was harder to spy on them than get Megatron to admit that he doesn't mind being around Starscream.)

(Meaning that it's impossible.)

(By the end of the day I was so frustrated that I wouldn't come out of my room…)

(At least until Sideswipe—using his hologram—came into my room, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the rec-room..)

(They had been planning a surprise birthday party for me…)

(I had forgotten my own birthday!)

(I was speechless…)

(I love those two…)

~.~

**Rule 42: If you value your life, do not ever tell Sunstreaker to 'go get a femme frame'.**

(He was being whinier than a preppy head cheerleader who found out that the quarter back wasn't taking her to the school dance.)

(So I told him to get Ratchet to put his spark in a femme frame so that his appearance would match the drama he was spouting off about…)

(I had a headache and wasn't appreciative of him complaining about how his paint wasn't as shiny as he wanted it to be…)

(Ok... it was a migraine and _that_ time of month…)

(Yeah… I wasn't in the mood to listen to his stupidity.)

(But that comment made him stare at me in shock, then glare at me, and finally tell me exactly where to shove my comment.)

(Hello argument.)

(Three hours later we left the rec-room going separate ways.)

(And poor Sideswipe didn't know who to follow.)

(So he just stayed in the rec-room and let us know that he was neutral on the whole subject.)

(Sideswipe is a smart mech…)

(At least until Sunstreaker and I bumped into each other ten minutes later…)

(And then the argument started again…)

(And now that hallway is under construction.)

(Yeah… don't tell Sunstreaker that he is way more of a femme than he ever wanted to think.)

(The hallway—and, incidentally, you—might not survive the laser blasts that follow.)

(I ended up in the med-bay after being hit in the chest by a piece of shrapnel going fifty miles per hour…)

(Sideswipe was in the berth beside me after getting pummeled by Sunstreaker for getting in front of me…)

(And Sunstreaker was in the brig… horrified that he actually let himself get angry enough about a comment to attack me…)

(Turns out he was somehow getting my 'pissiness' vibe…)

(I need to apologize.)

~.~

**Rule 43: When speaking to your guardians after not seeing them for two weeks… don't say that you kind of liked the peace and quiet.**

(I really didn't mean anything by that comment except to make a joke!)

(They took it seriously.)

(And then didn't come near me for two more weeks!)

(I had a damn nervous breakdown because of it.)

(Stupid mechs for taking me seriously when I was clearly being _sarcastic_!)

~.~

**Rule 44: When hiding from the Autobot Second in Command, don't hide behind Sideswipe.**

(Because, you know, he suspects Sideswipe first and foremost.)

(I just didn't want to hear his lecture on why not to prank Red Alert.)

(So I ran away from him and hid behind Sideswipe.)

(STUPIDEST IDEA EVER.)

(Because Prowl will then assume that Sideswipe conned you into it.)

(And put Sideswipe into the brig… but not you.)

(No, you'll get a lecture on why going with any of Sideswipe's plans is 'a foolish idea' and shouldn't be done.)

(I apologized to Sideswipe… who had nothing to do with this prank.)

(He didn't even know I had pulled a prank on Red Alert.)

(…. XD )

~.~

**Rule 45: Don't ever ask the twins about special ops or black ops.**

(Because they won't tell you anything about it.)

(Even they didn't know that the other was in one…)

(Sideswipe is in special ops… go figure.)

(And Sunstreaker is in black ops…)

(They will inform Jazz that you asked, and Jazz will then proceed to pull you into his office and ask how you found out.)

(I didn't tell him that Teletran told me.)

(Jazz is scary when he isn't being happy go lucky…)

(Did anybody else know that the visor is removable?)

(… well, it is, and he's fraggin scary without it.)

(I refuse to say anything else on the subject.)

(After all, the only human that belongs to **both** divisions shouldn't talk about it.)

( ; ) )

~.~

**Rule 46: When going to the police station to clear your name of a speeding ticket (two guesses why I had one) don't mention it to the twins in front of Prowl.**

(The SIC will then proceed to look through all the reports in the police station)

(…and find out just how many speeding tickets you have had to pay off…)

(Yeah… the following lecture wasn't pretty.)

(Or short.)

(Five hours later and I was finally released.)

(The twins got it worse though… because they were speeding with me in them at the time.)

(Heh… Prowl was pissed.)

~.~

**Rule 47: Don't let the twins pull 'surprise kisses' on you in the middle of the hallways…**

(Dad was the one they pulled it in front of…)

(You know… Optimus Prime?)

(Heh… the look on his faceplates.)

(And then the lecture that followed.)

(He had known that the twins and I were in a relationship…)

(He just didn't want to see the relationship in progress.)

(The whole father thing… ya know?)

~.~

**Rule 48: For that matter, any PDA with the twins should be saved until other bots won't see it.**

(There is now a PDA rule posted.)

(And it specifically states Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and I's names…)

(Because we apparently were showing too much affection in public.)

(I think it's because the rest of the base is still wary of the relationship.)

(I blame Sunstreaker… surprisingly.)

(He wanted to be sure every being knew that I was off limits.)

(Heh… more surprise kisses anyone?)

~.~

**Rule 49: Try not to pull too many pranks on Sideswipe.**

(He will find out it was you…)

(And then not hold back.)

(Five-hundred and four pranks later, I am beginning to regret pulling that many…)

(Heh, he still has two-hundred and ninety-six pranks to go until he's even.)

( :P )

~.~

**Rule 50: It is okay to participate in some PDA when the 'cons attack.**

(The 'cons attacked…)

(And I gave Sunstreaker and Sideswipe a 'kiss for luck' each.)

(Right in the middle of the battle field.)

(The 'cons stared and couldn't find any processing power.)

(They were highly confused and slightly shocked.)

(We beat the 'cons badly that day.)

(Seems that they couldn't wrap their small processors around the fact that not only were the twins in a relationship… they were in a relationship with a **human**)

(I got a card later from—shockingly—Soundwave and the cassettes.)

(They aren't so bad… probably has something to do with the truce I have with them.)

(I don't give them away when they are 'hanging out' at the Autobot base to avoid Megatron's wrath, they don't attack me.)

(Simple enough… and they don't gather intelligence while at the base either.)

(Soundwave just doesn't want them to get pummeled by Megatron.)

(He has fatherly instincts with the cassettes. So I let it go.)

(Thanks guys!)

~.~ ~.~

Alrighty guys, this is an excerpt from the fan fic that I am planning based off of this guideline. It probably won't be posted until after I finish with TSOT: Afterwords… but it's coming. 'Guardians of Danger' will be the title.

~.~ ~.~

"Hey Sunny…"

"Don't call me sunny… and what do you want Sideswipe?" Sunstreaker glared at his twin.

"Why do you think we saved her…" Sideswipe motioned towards Chi where she slept on his berth. She had come into their room to just talk with them, and had fallen asleep after two or so hours. "Fifteen years ago… Why did we both feel that she was so important?"

Sunstreaker's optics flickered and he glanced at his brother. It wasn't like Sideswipe to think like this.

"I don't know… why?"

"I just… I have this feeling that she's not meant to be small… ya know?" Sideswipe seemed frazzled by his own thought process.

"You mean… like she's not supposed to be human?" Sunstreaker asked before he could stop himself, proving that he had the same feeling.

Sideswipe only nodded and gave a deep sigh. "I still wonder why we felt the need to save her…"

"It's probably the will of Primus Sides…" Sunstreaker sighed, earning himself a surprised glance from Sideswipe… Sunstreaker had never been the one to show a belief in a higher being. "We just need to trust that he knows what he's doing."

A breeze blew through the room, even though there were no fans on and nothing else had moved.

_Oh I know __**exactly**__ what I'm doing… the question is, how long will it take you to figure it out?_

Both of the twins' optics widened and they shared a shocked glance.

"Sunny-"

"Don't… I don't want to know if that was Primus or not." Sunstreaker stated, cutting Sideswipe off. "And don't call me sunny."

~.~ ~.~

Yep, hope you guys enjoyed that. And I hope to hear from you, review please!

Till all are one,

-Chistarpax


	6. Chapter 6

**Rule 51: Don't plot anything with Sideswipe, but not Sunstreaker.**_** (By szynka2496)**_

(Sunny will get jealous.)

(Because he enjoys plotting things…)

(And will start thinking that you are spending more time with Sideswipe than with him…)

(Not that he will get pissed or anything…)

(Just a bit touchy about a few subjects.)

(Yeah, gonna plot things with **both** of them from now on…)

~.~

**Rule 52: Don't randomly say that you want to practice your jet judo skills.**_** (By szynka2496)**_

(At first, they will believe that you are joking…)

(And then, after they realize that you are being completely serious, they will refuse.)

(Bugging them about it for a while is a bad idea too…)

(They'll avoid you then…)

(Word of advice… don't state that you want to practice jet judo ever again after that.)

~.~

**Rule 53: Make sure you have clean clothing before taking a shower, as walking down the hallway in a towel and carrying clothes that you have to wash before putting said clothing on may cause certain mechs to fritz out.**_** (Concept for rule by szynka2496)**_

(So… I was taking a shower)

(In my private shower...)

(And realized only after I had stepped out of said shower that I needed to do laundry…)

(ALL of my clothing was dirty… and I mean 'had been through a battle' dirty.)

(So, before I could get dressed I needed to clean my cloths…)

(But the laundry area was almost on the other side of the base…)

(Through the hallway that held the Private Quarters…)

(And the hallway that held the Higher-up's offices…)

(Past the rec-room…)

(And the med-bay...)

(With security cameras the entire way.)

(I walked to the laundry area with all the dignity of a drowned rat…)

(Wrapped in only a towel…)

(I cannot tell you how many mechs stopped me to ask what I was doing…)

(I swear every mech on base did!)

(Yet none of them offered to help me in some way…)

(The twins, bless their sparks, lost the ability to process after seeing me in only a towel…)

(So they were no help… at all…)

(They kinda got the look that Prowl does when his logic center crashes…)

(Heh… I—accidentally—made the twins fritz…)

(LOL)

(Yeah… Dad was the only one that helped me to the laundry room…)

(Gotta love dads…)

(They save you from embarrassing yourself any more than you already have…)

(While the security director files it away as blackmail…)

(Aft…)

~.~

**Rule 54: When mad at the twins, don't clean your blaster.**

(Ooops… that is the only way I can explain it.)

(I was cleaning the blaster!)

(Not only did they say something that made me motion towards them with it…)

(But my finger actually slipped and pulled the trigger…)

(Sideswipe ended up in the med-bay getting the spot two feet above his spark repaired…)

(Wheeljack's design had a fatal flaw, it seems that the safety actually doesn't work on it.)

(Ratchet confiscated the blaster…)

(Ironhide inspected the blaster, and found that, where the safety was supposed to be, was only a useless switch…)

(Ironhide then proceeded to destroy said blaster and build one for me himself.)

(It has a working safety mechanism…)

(I apologized to Sideswipe, and he said it wasn't anything to worry about…)

(I shot him and it apparently wasn't anything to worry about…)

(Guilt still burns through me when someone asks 'are you gonna shoot me?')

(I didn't mean to!)

(I blame Wheeljack's faulty design.)

~.~

**Rule 55: If you value your life don't pull a prank on both of the twins and then leave a note saying 'courtesy of Ratchet.'**

(What can I say, I was mad at Ratchet and the twins hadn't had a good prank pulled on them in a while.)

(So I rigged paint cans to 'explode' when they got near.)

(Actually, the cans just sprayed the paint from ten angles in order to cover them completely with paint.)

(Sunstreaker was pink, and Sideswipe was lime green…)

(And then they found the 'note from Ratchet'.)

(That was a perfect argument.)

(And then the med-bay was unsafe to enter for a week…)

(At least until Red Alert showed them footage of me rigging it up…)

(Did I mention that the colors were neon?)

(And that the twins and Ratchet are scary when they work together on a prank.)

(My skin was neon orange for two weeks…)

(With purple polka dots.)

(I was pissed.)

(Though I think it scared the cassettes… they wouldn't come near me on the battle field.)

(Heh…)

(It was epic.)

~.~

**Rule 56: Do not run through a battle field—with the twins in pursuit—while purple with green polka dots… even though it does sound like a good prank to pull on both factions.**

(Every mech on the field will freeze and stare at you…)

(Especially while the twins are playing 'I Love You' at the top of their speaker capacity.)

(Prowl fritzed….)

(Megatron actually collapsed because his processor couldn't make sense of it…)

(Red Alert glitched and started saying stuff about 'purple dinosaurs will take over the world')

(Swoop will sing along—which is a serious wtf moment…)

(Surprisingly devastator will too… even more of a WTF moment.)

(Optimus will sigh and shake his head.)

(And Jazz will be rolling on the ground laughing his aft off…)

(Soundwave had his hands full of suddenly terrified cassettes…)

(Yep, the cassettes are scared of BARNEY)

(I will use that from now on.)

~.~

**Rule 57: Do not paint Grimlock and the dinobots the colors of the 'Land Before Time' characters. (Little foot- Sludge, Spike- Snarl, Sara- Slag, Petree- Swoop, and Grimlock as an adult version of chopper…)**

(They volunteered to do so as their Halloween costumes…)

(And then they asked *cough*threatened me if I didn't*cough* me to be Ducky…)

(Yeah, the most interesting Halloween ever.)

(Don't ask, because every bot on base made me swear not to tell…)

(Let's just say that the songs from the movies came into play.)

(And it happened in front of Prowl and Red Alert.)

(Yeah… not allowed to mention that we had to take out our own tactician and security director when they teamed up.)

(Heh, Prowl's logic center took over…. And Red Alert glitched.)

(Not a fun Halloween… interesting, but not fun.)

(I never mentioned this by the way…)

~.~

**Rule 58: When having a friend over for a sleep over, don't fail to mention that your family—and significant others—are giant sentient robots from another planet.**

(Yeah, she freaked…)

(And then left…)

(I still feel bad…)

(She hasn't spoken to me since.)

(Though the twins interrogating her didn't help anything…)

(Poor girl.)

~.~

**Rule 59: Never tell the twins that a zombie apocalypse is about to happen.**

(Just let your imagination take you as I tell a few things that happened.)

(I told them…)

(They looked it up…)

(Found an article about it—curse you internet.)

(And then began 'preparing' for it.)

(Two weeks later, on the specified date that the apocalypse was supposedly going to happen, nothing…)

(Zip…)

(Nada…)

(Then they realized that it was a hoax and got irritated at _me_ for it.)

(Fraggin dolts.)

(I'm still finding hidden caches of non-perishable foods…)

(I'm not kidding.)

~.~

**Rule 60: When going to the grocery store for 'female items' don't let the twins take you.**

(You will then have to explain what the items you are getting are…)

(And then have to explain what the items are for…)

(And then listen to the comments on how gross it is…)

(They. Are. Idiots.)

(I am never going through that again.)

(Dolts.)

~.~ ~.~

There is another set of rules for you guys! Sorry it took so long to post. School started, then work picked up and it was almost impossible to find time to write.

Until all are one,

Chistarpax.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rule 61: When plotting anything with the twins, make sure you know who the intended victim is.**

(So, let's just say that the twins ask you to help with a prank….)

(And, before you even ask yourself who is getting pranked, you agree.)

(Oh! And you don't even bother to find out during the course of plotting and setting up said prank.)

(Then imagine, the next day when the prank is executed with such precision that no officer believed it was the twins, that the mechs all think it was YOU.)

(Now throw in that the victim of this prank was Ratchet…)

(All these ingredients make for something I like to call 'Slagged Soup'.)

(Fraggin twins will pay!)

~.~

**Rule 62: When squishing spiders, don't look whatever mech is in the room in the optic and calmly state "This is what humans look like when stepped on…" (By: szynka2496)**

(Eh… *cough, cough* Yeah...)

(Stepped on a spider… stated that in a calmly demented voice… in the rec-room at shift change…)

(Looked Smokescreen in the optics as I said it…)

(Heh… I kinda forgot that he is the resident therapist…)

(I now visit him twice a week at three o'clock sharp…)

(It was a JOKE.)

~.~

**Rule 63: When sitting through the yearly security lecture, don't start taking random notes and then, when asked what you are doing, don't look Red Alert in the optics and tell him flat out that you are making a list of things that have changed for the 'cons.**

(Ehem…. Don't do it if you want to live to see the next day.)

(I was lucky that Jazz was sitting beside me…)

(We had both skipped the first lecture… so we were both in the 'make-up' lecture.)

(Or as we called it… the make-up torture session.)

(Anyway, Jazz scooped me up really quick to avoid the laser blast that was aimed my way and we both high-tailed it to the med-bay where Jazz hid behind a pissed off Prowl and I cowered behind Ratchet.)

(Prowl was pissed because Jazz had seen my comment coming and hadn't stopped it.)

(And Jazz informed Prowl that if he still wanted a best friend to play chess with, he needed to stop Red Alert who had just charged into the room in full out glitch mode.)

(Ratchet was the one who stopped Red Alert with a well-placed sedative…)

(And then we—Jazz and I—had to explain what had happened.)

(In detail.)

(By the end of the explanation Ratchet was laughing his aft off and Prowl was trying to hold back laughter.)

(And then they informed me that, though it was an amusing comment to the security director, I was going to have to write a two page essay on why you don't say such things to a glitched security director.)

(It took me one hour, and I didn't repeat any sentences or have any sentences less than seven words long.)

(Prowl read it and I heard his laughter from across the base.)

(What can I say… Red Alert is way too fun to mess with.)

~.~

**Rule 64: Don't ask the twins if they have ever pranked Optimus.**

(They will think about it for days… realize that they haven't… and ask you for help.)

(When you refuse they will use something akin to the 'puppy dog pout' on you…)

(That and start with the 'unsuspecting kisses' again.)

(Until you agree to help them.)

(Dad wasn't appreciative of the redecorated quarters, office, or the new paint job…)

(I thought it looked nice… the pink, purple, and powder blue went well together…)

( XD )

~.~

**Rule 65: Wearing a fake mustache is not a good idea.**

(I wanted to kill Sunstreaker for the comments he made…)

("So are you finally accepting your male side?")

("Are you sure you're female… I thought only males grew facial hair.")

("Oh, hello Mr. Pax, I didn't see you there…")

(The worst part… it was a prank that Sideswipe had played on me…)

(The mustache was super glued on my face!)

(It was all fun and games to Sunstreaker until he onlined the next day.)

(And he was hot pink.)

("So, Are you still Sunstreaker, or should I call you by a more… feminine name?")

("That color totally looks good on you girlfriend!")

("Whooo! Look-it here mechs, that's a good looking femme there!" Thank you Sideswipe… even if you did get pummeled after the comment.)

(The best part, I bribed Ratchet with some of MY home brewed high-grade to say he didn't have any more paint remover… and hid all of Sunstreaker's.)

(And my home brew is stronger than the twins' AND tastes better than the stuff they could buy.)

(So Ratchet stated he didn't have any paint remover for a week… and I got to make fun of Sunstreaker.)

(Best revenge ever.)

~.~

**Rule 66: Try not to get caught by the 'cons and then have said 'cons play 'hot potato with the human' using you as the hot potato… the twins are rather protective of what's 'theirs' and will pummel the one responsible.**

(So… I was in the wrong place… at the wrong time… again…)

(Meaning I was in the middle of a battle.)

(On the 'cons side of the fraggin line.)

(Note to self: Find out how I keep doing that.)

(Anyway, Thundercracker spots me trying to flee to the other side of the line in order to get to the Autobots…)

(Recognizes me as the 'Pet of the Twins')

(And decides to pick me up and toss me over to Skywarp…)

(Who warped me to Starscream…)

(Who takes me strait to Megatron…)

(Who hands me to Shockwave…)

(Who then decides that I am not 'worthy enough' to be held by him…)

(And hands me to Soundwave…)

(By that time I had already shouted 'let's NOT play hot potato with a human'.)

(And gained the Twins' attention…)

(Soundwave was smart and sat me on the ground next to Ravage, who shouldered me onto his back and took me over to the Autobots.)

(Of course, Soundwave also sent the Twins the name of the mech that picked me up to begin with…)

(They then proceeded to inform Thundercracker exactly how I was not to be touched because I was _theirs_.)

(And they also pulverized the seeker so that he would 'learn not to touch something that doesn't belong to him.')

(After which I informed them that I wasn't a possession and that under no circumstances were they to infer that I was…)

(And then they stated that when they say that I am _theirs_ they only mean that no Decepticon mech needs to touch the third part to their spark…)

(Let's just say I couldn't stay mad at them.)

(… I love those two.)

~.~

**Rule 67: Don't leave your diary where the twins can find it.**

(Okay… most people would do this anyway…)

(But I had a slightly more important reason to keep my diary from them…)

(You see… I tend to rant about **everything** in that notebook…)

(Including how fraggin HOT I think they are…)

(Heh… they found those parts…)

(And then also noted what all I have ranted about when it comes to the officers…)

(Example: Prowl is such a fraggin pain in the aft! He needs to lighten up, seriously… maybe he should just go get laid! It might help him RELAX a bit… etc.)

(… yeah… not going into the conversation they actually started with me because of that specific rant…)

(Including their takes on what would happen when he did…)

(Not going there… ever again.)

~.~

**Rule 68: When discussing battle tactics with the twins, make sure Prowl is not in the room.**

(Hehe… yeah...)

(Just don't.)

(You won't like how Prowl shoots down every idea you make…)

(Or how you discover how good at planning Sideswipe actually is…)

(He rivals Prowls battle computer, and he doesn't even have one!)

(Scary.)

~.~

**Rule 69: Be careful where and how you state that an idea is 'complete idiocy.'**

(If you are in the rec-room or med-bay, its alright to flat out tell the twins that.)

(If you somehow get caught on the battlefield—again, still not sure what that's about, I must have a sign on me somewhere saying 'have a random battle with me directly in the middle of it' somewhere on my person… seriously—it's not such a good idea.)

(The twins do not appreciate being told that you have no desire to 'make a run for it' even if they are 'giving you cover fire.')

(Yeah, I told them that the 'cons would most likely find it amusing and have a game of 'human target' with me.)

(And then informed them that their plan was made of complete idiocy.)

(After which they told me that I could find a way off the battle field myself.)

(And left me there so they could go play 'jet judo.')

(Fraggers.)

(So, I ended up calling Jazz, who got me out of there pretty quick.)

(Without me 'making a run for it.')

(He agreed with me that the twins had come up with 'the stupidest plan he had ever heard.')

(Heh, they got a lecture from Jazz.)

~.~

**Rule 70: Don't immediately assume that you can give the twins the 'silent treatment' in order to get them to apologize.**

(Yeah… that worked out great.)

(I didn't speak to them for two hours, and then they somehow got me to laugh at them.)

(Best silent treatment _ever_.)

(Primus, I'm so pathetic.)

~.~ ~.~

There we go, after quite a while of no posts, I have posted a new set of guidelines! I've been busy with work, school, and every day life. As it was put by another author recently, there were four choices that I could choose from… and only have three of those choices.

1. Good Grades

2. Sleep

3. Going to Work and Getting a Paycheck

4. Posting New Chapters Regularly

I chose 1, 2, and 3. So sorry guys, my posts are going to be few and far between for a while. Good news is that I have good grades, adequate amounts of sleep, and a regular paycheck though! Huzzah!

And I'm not replying to reviews this time. I was trying to get this posted instead. I might just PM those who review.

Until all are one,

Chistarpax


	8. Chapter 8

**Rule 71: When living with giant robotic organisms… don't EVER mention that you saw a spot of rust.**

(They will FREAK.)

(Rust to them is deadly, because Cosmic Rust is the only type of rust that will affect them.)

(And Cosmic Rust is DEADLY.)

(I was talking about a human crafted bolt that had been left out in the rain.)

(Needed to have said that.)

(Needless to say I had an entire base of highly paranoid mechs with a few femmes thrown in.)

*eye roll*

(From now on I will explain what I mean in high detail to them.)

(Maybe we'll avoid a base lockdown enforced by a certain medic.)

*annoyed sigh*

~.~

**Rule 72: (Going along with rule 71) After a freak out because of rust, make sure not to joke about said freak out.**

(Okay, so I was trying to lighten the mood…)

(Not a good idea after a base-wide medical lockdown…)

(I said, and I quote, "Man, all that over some earth rust? Maybe I should do that when the con's attack, they wouldn't be able to anything, we'd have them trapped!")

(Yeah, the lecture after that one…)

(So, a base lockdown—one that you caused, btw—is not something to take lightly…)

(The Decepticons could have attacked…)

(I highly doubt it...)

(Not after I sent them the bolt covered in rust…)

(Haven't heard anything from them in days…)

(Though Jazz stated that their base seems to be in lockdown.)

*Evil Grin*

~.~

**Rule 73: Do not introduce the Twins to the Jeff Dunham franchise…**

(They loved it.)

(Ratchet was referred to as 'Walter' because he was grumpy.)

(Ironhide was, for some unknown reason, referred to as 'Bubba J')

(I think it's because of his accent he picked up when learning English.)

(That and he can hold his High Grade.)

(Wheeljack was dubbed 'Achmed'.)

(Because he blows himself up… all the time.)

(Optimus became 'Jeff'.)

(Because he "runs the show.")

(Sideswipe began acting like Peanut…)

(And Sunstreaker seemed to claim Hosé Jalapeño on a Stick.)

(And I am not mentioned at all.)

(Thank Primus!)

~.~

**Rule 74: Don't tell the twins that they CAN'T do something… Because then they will do what you told them they can't do… just to annoy you.**

(I told them that they couldn't climb the Eiffel Tower while we were in France…)

(Failed to mention that it would A. Cause the local's to get pissed, B. Cause us to get booted out of the country, and C. Cause all three of us to get brig time and extra shifts.)

(But NO, they just HAD to go climb the fragging tower because I said not to…)

(Afts!)

(Should have listened!)

(Now we get to scrub the floors of our SEPARATE cells with a TOOTHBRUSH!)

(I TOLD YOU SO.)

(I know they read this, so just making sure my point is made.)

(Pains in my ass.)

~.~

**Rule 75: When being angry at the Twins for something that was COMPLETELY their fault… don't tell the weapons specialist that you want to shoot them.**

(He will do so for "His little niece.")

(And then you will get the cold shoulder from the twins.)

(After having to explain to Ironhide that, no, you didn't really want to shoot the twins…)

(You were just being SARCASTIC.)

(And you were JOKING.)

(Then you get to be the one that has to apologize and try to get them to not be mad at YOU.)

(When will they learn that I tend to become sarcastic when angry?)

~.~

**Rule 76: Never turn your back to Sideswipe after he figures out that you are the one that pulled the most creative prank the base has ever seen… and beat him in the Prank Wars that followed.**

(Heh…)

(So… I kinda did this… and he kinda didn't like the idea of being replaced as the prank monarch.)

(Therefore he saw the need to get even… and decided the best way to do so was to pull one of the oldest pranks in the book…)

(He wrapped me in a surprise hug—which I thought nothing of because he was always doing that kind of stuff—and apparently stuck a sign to my back.)

(Only it didn't say 'Kick Me' or anything like that…)

(No, it stated 'PULLED ANOTHER PRANK, BETTER GO FIND THE POOR BOT IT WAS PULLED ON'…)

(Well… considering my track record, Prowl and Jazz did just that…)

(And found Cliffjumper glued to the ceiling by his tires in one of the storage closets…)

(I had NOTHING to do with it.)

(But… because of the sign… they thought I had.)

(Sideswipe—though I love him—is going to pay… BIG TIME.)

~.~

**Rule 77: When initiating a prank war, don't let certain mechs join said prank war.**

(Okay, so I decided that the base had been far too boring for far too long…)

(And then made up my mind to start a prank war…)

(It was a good idea…)

(At first.)

(And then, picture this, I ended up having to defend myself from pranks set up by PROWL.)

(When in the PIT did he join the prank war!?)

(I never got the memo!)

(And then, to top things off, JAZZ decided that he would 'even up my teams chances' and join my side…)

(Eventually, all of us—I was on the team with Bluestreak, Bumblebee, Optimus, Sunstreaker, Ratchet, and Jazz; Where the other team was Sideswipe, Smokescreen, Wheeljack, Ironhide, Hound, Swoop, and Prowl—quit and let Jazz and Prowl go at it.)

(We got tired of the pranks escalating… eventually they turned into almost lethal traps…)

(Never… again.)

~.~

**Rule 78: Surprising certain beings is not a good past-time for anybody.**

(I HATE surprises of any sort with a passion.)

(The Twins like to surprise me…)

(They are the only ones I will allow to surprise me…)

(All others will be shot with the gun I keep hidden on my person in case of an attack.)

(Because, you know, I recognize Sunstreaker and Sideswipe immediately…)

(I don't recognize any other mech or mechs that jump out at me from a random hiding spot.)

(I sincerely hope Bluestreak, Cliffjumper, and Bumblebee got the idea.)

(Don't surprise me if you want both your optics to work.)

(I can give Bluestreak a run for his money when it comes to marksmanship… and I can get the shots off quick.)

(So DON'T surprise me.)

(Comprende?)

~.~

**Rule 79: Star Wars has been banned on the ARK.**

(Yeah… this was interesting.)

(I thought it would be a good idea to watch the Star Wars movies…)

(All of them.)

(The Twins agreed…)

(So we watched the movies.)

(One week later…)

(I found a replica of the Millennium Falcon…)

(Life sized replica…)

(And then… I started hearing these quotes… that were from the movies…)

"I find your lack of faith disturbing."

(When I stated that I didn't think a plan was going to work.)

"This is some rescue. You came in here and you didn't have a plan for getting out?" – Arcee to Sideswipe

"He's the brains, sweetheart!" –Sunstreaker to Arcee

(Oh, I wanted to die… she had gotten caught by the 'cons… and Sunny, Sides, and I went in to get her out.)

(She didn't know that she was quoting a line from Star Wars perfectly…)

(I Face-palmed.)

"Watch your mouth kid, or you'll find yourself floating home."

(Sunstreaker said it to Bluestreak on the way back from a mission.)

(Bluestreak was confused… and then Sideswipe started calling him Padawan…)

(That's when the others figured it out… and jumped in.)

(By the end of the month we were calling Megatron 'Darth Vader' and Optimus was Obi-Wan Kenobi…)

(It was all fun and games until Grimlock dubbed himself 'Chewbacca')

(And finally…)

"May the Force be with you."

(Said to Prowl… who crashed trying to figure out what force they were talking about…)

(It was then that Ratchet banned Star Wars.)

(I salute you Ratchet! Good call!)

~.~

**Rule 80: When avoiding the Twins, Ratchet is the perfect bot to 'hide' behind.**

(Not joking.)

(He asked why I was in the med-bay if I wasn't injured in any way.)

(I stated that I was pissed at the twins for saying something that was legitimately idiotic and insulting.)

(And then added that they had yet to say sorry for saying it.)

(Ratchet was torn for only a few seconds… until he noted that I had cried recently.)

(And then the twins weren't allowed in the med-bay until after I had left.)

(Ratchet DOES have a soft protective side!)

(Though I think he thought I had cried because of what they said..)

(Yeah… I had cried… but not over what they said… I had watched a sad movie before I went to talk to Ratchet…)

(What… a girl can't watch 'Old Yeller' and not cry?)

(Anyway, it was a comment about how 'Human Females cry over the stupidest things… it was only a dog.' That pissed me off.)

(Yeah… I was mad, how can you NOT cry at that part of the movie!?)

(In fact… thinking about it makes me tear up just a bit…)

(Poor yeller…)

T.T

~.~ ~.~

And that's rules 71-80! I hope you enjoyed and please review! XD

Until all are one,

Chistarpax


	9. Chapter 9

I love all of you guys! All of your reviews are amazing and give me inspiration. So here are the 10 new rules, enjoy guys!

~.~ ~.~

**Rule 81: The movie 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' is to never be shown again.**

(One mech in particular *ehem* Wheeljack *ehem* will try and see 'if it is possible for Chipmunks to sing'.)

(We had Chipmunks running rampant in the base.)

(Damn inventor trying to create a translator for rodents.)

(Perceptor didn't help things either.)

(I was gonna hurt people… eh… mechs.)

(Sunstreaker was on my side though…)

(One of the wild chipmunks scratched his paint and… defecated in his polish.)

(He wanted us to 'eradicate the entire species' for that.)

(Though… Hound managed to convince him to just help us trap and release the Chipmunks.)

(Hound was very… convincing when he told us that he didn't want them hurt…)

(Heh… angry nature lover anyone?)

(And then we let Hound get ahold of Perceptor and Wheeljack… who had caught the Chipmunks using traps…)

(Ah… funny day.)

~.~

**Rule 82: Be careful who you tell that you feel slightly lonely…**

(Okay… the Twins were on a mission…)

(And I was slightly, well, depressed…)

(They had been gone for almost a month.)

(It was one of those 'zero contact' missions…)

(So I was not only missing them, I was worried out of my mind.)

(I mean, come on, the two beings you love the most in the universe are on a mission and you can't even talk to them…)

(You tend to start feeling a bit lonely and put out…)

(But, whatever you do, do NOT tell that to Bluestreak.)

(He will then make it his personal mission to keep you company.)

(Even when you might want to be alone…)

(The talking never ends!)

(And when you do finally find a place to hide, nobody can find you.)

(And you just so happen to shut off your communicator in order to have silence…)

(The twins returned from the mission, and I didn't know.)

(They hunted me down…)

(Not sure how they found me but Jazz couldn't.)

(Anyway, they found me and I didn't know it was them at first…)

(So I kinda threw a miniaturized laser scalpel at them…)

(One trip to the med bay later… I was apologizing to a half blind Sideswipe…)

(And glaring at a laughing Sunstreaker…)

(I love them but they can be pains in my ass.)

~.~

**Rule 83: Be careful who you rant to about certain other mechs.**

(I love my adopted and overprotective family…)

(Especially the mech who will actually listen to you about every single other mech in the base…)

(And has control of the shift schedules.)

(Anyway, I was ranting to Prowl about how Cliffjumper and some of the other minibots were being general pains in the aft and so on and so forth.)

(And then wondered why they suddenly had double shifts for an entire week.)  
(I didn't think anything of it and found myself ranting about a few other mechs, namely Tracks, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Jazz—he can be irritating at times too—, and Ratchet…)

(They all received double shifts for a week…)

(After a few more times of my ranting to Prowl and then the mechs I ranted to Prowl about receiving double shifts for a week I figured it out.)

(Prowl was giving the mechs that I was irritated enough at to rant to him about week-long double shifts.)

(Prowl and I soon had a small talk about that… and we came to a decision together that he wasn't going to give any mech a double shift unless they deserved it.)

(Or unless they irritated both Prowl and I on the same day.)

(Sorry Jazz, but you tend to fall under that category quite a bit.)

~.~

**Rule 84: DO NOT EVER INTERRUPT RATCHET WHILE HE IS RANTING AT YOU ABOUT AN INJURY.**

(This deserves all caps due to the fact that I got to watch as Ratchet put Optimus in line for doing just that.)

(After a recent battle, Ratchet had to drag Optimus into the med-bay to get repairs.)

(Only to discover that Optimus had a frayed alpha wire that connected to his energon diluter and pump…)

(In other words the device that processes and pumps the energon that keeps him alive was not working correctly and was not something that would be noticed until it broke and was too late to fix.)

(Ratchet was in the middle of a rant about this and Optimus…)

(I love my dad, but he has very little knowledge of anything medical…)

(Anyway, he interrupted Ratchet to state that he didn't think it was that big of a deal…)

(I don't think I'll ever be able forget how pissed off Ratchet got… his optics turned a brilliant shade of white from it.)

(I'm serious… and then Optimus got the rant of his life.)

(It. Was. Epic.)

(Until Ratchet started getting irritable at me for 'being to slow when bringing him supplies.')

(Yeah… then it sucked.)

~.~

**Rule 85: Do not say random, illogical things constantly around Prowl just to see if you can make him 'fritz.'**

(Worst. Idea. Ever.)

(I'm dead serious…)

(Prowl will not only inform you about how illogical those random things are, but he will also proceed to make you realize how futile it is to try and make him fritz.)

(It was interesting when he stated that he would not fritz if the effort was being made to make him do so…)

(And that only illogical statements made at random and not planned out points would make him fritz…)

(A second after Prowl stated this, I do not joke here… it's too stupid to make up…)

(Blaster and Jazz came running in dressed in some sort of a Hawaiian get-up)

(And demanded that we all learn how to hula.)

(It took thirty seconds for those of us in the rec-room at the time to finally understand what had been said…)

(And exactly 1.5680 seconds later Prowl had sparks flying from his helm and he ended up in a very ungraceful heap on the floor.)

(I got to see Prowl fritz…)

(AND get blackmail material against Jazz and Blaster for later.)

(Lovely day it was.)

~.~

**Rule 86: Do not try to convince Prowl that video game logic is actual logic.**

(Ratchet will not be pleased…)

(And neither will Optimus…)

(The twins decided to try this…)

(With Jazz's help and 'guidance')

(Yeah…)

(Just don't.)

~.~

**Rule 87: When playing HALO against the twins, do not EVER rub it in their faces when you—by some miracle—win.**

(I… I really have no idea how I won.)

(But I did… against the TWINS!)

(Best day of my friggin life.)

(And I didn't hesitate to remind them of that fact every time I saw them for the next week.)

(Until the next time we played and I got smeared.)

(Literally… somehow—I'm positive that they hacked the game—my character was smeared across a wall by the two of them.)

(But I did beat them!)

~.~

**Rule 88: Riding your hover board through the ventilation shafts is forbidden.**

(Ehem… yeah.)

(Okay, I admit… I might have done that A LOT.)

(It's faster to get from point A to point B when you use the ventilation shafts.)

(But I had never, in the 8 years of doing this, had a _spider_ fall on me.)

(I have something called arachnophobia… I am TERRIFIED of spiders.)

(It fell on me, I shrieked like I had been attacked…)

(And the twins tore down the ventilation shaft to get to me…)

(Heh… Just a spider guys… no 'cons.)

(Well… that area needed the ventilation shafts repaired anyway.)

(And no more riding through them on my hover board… spiders live in them…)

~.~

**Rule 89: Pranks involving spiders and me are not just forbidden, there is now a death-hazard warning to go with it.**

(I almost killed Jazz when he pulled a prank dealing with spiders on me.)

(He took a fake, but extremely realistic spider, and put it on my pillow.)

(The spider was enlarged, by the way… so it took up my entire pillow.)

(I blew up my bed using the blaster that Ironhide gave me.)

(And half the wall behind it.)

(How did I know it was Jazz that did it?)

(I looked at the security footage and noticed him use his hologram to enter my room with a small package, and then leave with no package only minutes later.)

(I then went on a mech-hunt and literally almost killed him.)

(I was promoted to third-special-ops-command for that AND received a good deal of respect from several of the mechs.)

(Jazz didn't hold it against me, he even apologized and commented that I 'packed one mean punch' when I wanted to.)

(Oh… and that I was a really good sneak.)

(Prowl added the death-hazard-warning after Jazz suggested it… after he got out of the med-bay.)

~.~

**Rule 90: Don't piss off Optimus, and then try to get me to save your aft.**

(I am his DAUGHTER.)

(I am NOT going to save your aft if you pissed him off, you deserve whatever comes your way because it takes A LOT to piss Optimus freaking Prime off.)

(Trust me, I know… I've done it before. It takes A LOT to piss him off.)

(Just saying.)

(I'll sit back and eat popcorn instead.)

(I'm looking at you twins!)

(You deserved the aft kicking you got.)

~.~ ~.~

Another set of guidelines? Is it really?! OMG, this took waaaaay to long to get out. And I'm so sorry for the wait guys. My little plot bunnies just quit biting me.

I will gladly take any ideas or suggestions guys!

Until all are one,

Chistarpax


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